crap for pets

listen let's not beat around the bush here - dog and cat lovers can be a little bit on the nuts side.

hey look, i like a pet as much as the next dude, but some people manage to take things to a whole new level.

Mr Fish the photographer, put me onto a website that shows some of the dumbest pet products you could come across, check this out:

at first i thought it was just one of those baby backpack things, but on closer inspection i see it's been specially designed for a pooch, with a pee hole and everything. how odd.

hey pet owner, your dog's got four legs, that's two more than you, you'd think they'd be pretty good at walking by themselves by now.

okay wait, that's nothing compared to this next bit of meshugas*. (*yiddish for crazy)

it's nail polish for your pet:

i'm sorry but that has to be the most ridiculous of the lot. who paints their dog's nails? really i'm asking for real, who?

how about your pet's very own shag pal, or a friend, with benefits:

that little doggie on the top right kills me, how funny is that? he looks like he's doing it at a hundred miles an hour.

but be warned, give your doggie one of these and you will no longer be his best friend.

i think this next one is a little creepy and quite cruel actually. it's a fence porthole for your four legged friend.

i think it's a bit of a tease, like hey puppy look out there, look at all those amazing things happening just on the other side of your fence? all those butts to sniff and postmen to bite. you see them? yeah, you can't have any that. watch 'em an weep, rover!

dog in sheep's clothing anyone?

that dog is so getting beat up in the park later by the other dogs.

can't you see that pleading look in his eyes? he's saying, dude, i don't have opposable thumbs, get this gay cape off of me before the guys see it!

next up - a little snack for fido:

i suppose dogs must get tired of eating dog biscuits all the time, at some point they're going to want another flavour. but how about beef, or chicken? i mean do we really want to give beasts a taste of human? it could be the start of something really bad.

don't like to drink alone?

wanna drink with your best friend?

now you can:

it had to happen, it was only a matter of time.

perfume for pets:

really, it's what all the hot bitches are wearing this season.

alright, let's go to a whole new level of crazy now. are you ready?

it's a butt plug of sorts. it's a pretty covering for your dog (or cat's) butt hole.

why? - i don't know.

what for? - i couldn't tell you.

have you ever? - no i fucking have not!

and finally here we go - the ultimate accessory for the dog owner who has everything, except a child.

a doggie high chair child seat thingy.

fucking mad? oh yes.

what's next? i shudder to think.

crazy-ass sex toys

hoooo boy.

i've said it before, and no doubt at some point i'll say it again and again and again.

the world is full of freaks. and the internet even more so.

the other day i got to thinking, as one does, about sex toys. mainly because i noticed that they've started selling some pretty raunchy ones at my local clicks, which impressed me no end. and i started to wonder whether people are actually becoming somewhat desensitised to this kind of thing. I mean there's absolutely no way that ten or even five years ago you would have found a sex toy on the shelf at your local clicks.

now don't go getting twibby or anything, i'm not saying they're selling butt plugs or nipple clamps, but they did have a lovely collection of spermicides, vibrating thingy-majigs and a wide range of speciality condoms.

nice one clicks. mother grundies be damned.

anyway so that's what got me thinking about sex toys. (he he he that's my story and i'm sticking to it.)

one doesn't have to travel very far on the internet super highway to find some crazy-ass sex toys. here are a few:

looks like a sweet and cuddly teddy bear, right?

not so much...

see, it is actually a holder for your cute pink dildo. nice one.

okay that was a bit of a tame warm up, because i take it many of you have not yet had your morning coffee.

let the sex toy freak games begin.

this is called a 'Dildo Tree':

true story, not a word of a lie.

can't say i'm entirely sure of it's use. a threesome perhaps, although not sure what the point of a threesome is if you're all pleasuring yourselves? i dunno, i can't think about it anymore, it makes me feel dirty and it makes my head sore. also why are they all different heights? seems odd. unless you're quite specific about who you invite, height-wise that is. curiouser and curiouser.

next is a sex toy i found online that i like to call - 'the rhino horn'

i think the less we say about it the better.

next up.... 'the truncheon':

but... what? where is the? how do you...? i mean, is there...? when do...? who's going to...? ummmm....

next!

alright, before i read the blurb online for this one i had absolutely no idea what it was. i kept turning my head to see if maybe the pic was upside down:

okay, the descriptor says that it's a refashioned mouth. oh okay, now i get it, that brown furry thing is supposed to represent a moustache. ahhhhhh i geddit. how weird is that, man? and creepy, yuck.... it kind of reminds me of this guy a little bit:

i suppose aptly named in this situation - the blowfish. bwahahahahahahahahahhaaha *breathe* bwahahahahahahahahahahah!

alright, so far lots of penis stuff, here's a weirdo vagina toy. look, it's a plastic foot, with a vagina in the sole.

isn't that what you always wanted?
biiiiiizarre!

hahahaha this next one cracked me up big time:

it's called a 'dongball'! bwaaahahahahahahaha.

it's fashioned on a pilates ball with a giant dildo built in. is it for exercising and getting sexy sexy at the same time? Those gym bunnies can be freaks. it makes me laugh mainly because it's got one giant ball. he should see a doctor about that. i'm sure a little cream and a quick course of penicillin will sort that out one time.

and finally what bedside drawer would be complete with one of these things:

huh?

is that weird or what? why would you want someone to do that, like that? and why would someone want to do it, like that?

all i can say is it's a strange, strange world out there.

it's fight club

april 27th. freedom day.
an important day in south africa's history.
on this fateful day in 1994 we had our first free and fair election.
man it was cool.

but 16 years on (has it really been that long?) we might be making a bit of a pigfuck out of this whole thing.

i'm sure it's just a temporary diversion and we'll be back on track shortly.
but until then i thought it was time for fight club:




have you ever checked out google fight?
it's a website i dig.
here's the basic template:

see you just type in keyword #1 and keyword #2 of two people/things/characters/shows/whatever you'd like to see fight it out, and then click on 'make a fight' and see who wins.

the results are based on the most searched item of the two on the internet.

so considering our current political climate (chilly with rain) i thought the following match would be apt:

in the red corner:

VS

in the stupid corner, oops i mean in the blue corner:

personally i'd like to knee malema in the nuts myself, but since that's not possible, i thought i'd pit him up against someone his own size.

okay boys, let's make it a clean fight (yeah who are we kidding about that):

ding ding.

by a landslide.

i'm just sayin':

our very own clients from hell

favourite london based friend just sent me this, it's a direct transcript from a meeting he just came out of:


Client: I really like the map you did, but it does make Jersey look like an island?
Designer: Jersey is an island.
Client: Does it have to look like it though?
Designer: How would you like it to look?
Client: I don't know, less islandy?

yay yay yay, nothing better than a fabulous client from hell. bring em on.

paige-turner

the wonderful 'mrs pie' was the first to spot this.

it ran in the cape times on friday morning. the lekker folks at wordsworth books came up with it and ran it.

i had no idea it was happening, so it was a really cool surprise.

i can't get it to go bigger when you click on it. (how the hell do you do that?)

so here's a little bit of it in close up:



it's a good thing my name isn't 'Back' (Back-turner!) or 'Off' (Off-turner!) - naaaaice. remind me to thank my parents later.

blogger has been very glitchy the last couple of days so i'm struggling to get my posts up. but have some cool posts planned for this week, so holding thumbs blogger plays nice.

have a good monday.

hominid

today i just like to say the word hominid.

i heart this.

i heart this with cherries on top.


it comes from my friend and talented lady, Alix.

Alix's blog is over here.
(is that how you punctuate Alix's? dunno. bad copywriter, paige!)


she's exploring photography right now and i think her work is sublime.







this shot just makes me pine for the weekend, and endless cups of tea and all the books that are stacked up on my bedside table, just waiting to be devoured.


it just makes me happy. oh yes, and i can smell that naartjie from here.


here are two more of her images. she has some work showing at an exhibition next wednesday, think i will try to go.

happy weekend, everybody.

crazy sweet dreams.

me, i'm partial to a bit of sleep.

there's nothing quite like some good REM to make a monday that much more bearable.
i found some of these crazy sleep things online and i thought i'd share them. cos that's just the way i roll.

it's a tissue pillow, and it's from here if you want one. it's perfect for the person who likes to cry themselves to sleep. and it's cheaper than a therapist.

this next one is a salmon pillow:

for people who wanna sleep with the fishes?


and then there's the rock pillow:

i'm digging that. how uncomfortable can a really comfortable pillow look?

or what about the pizza pillow:



if i slept on that i would wake up with a face full of zits. i mean i only have to look at a pizza to break out.

i like that. the book pillow. although it doesn't look particularly soft, even with his head on it. also it would have to be one incredibly boring book.

at last, it's the girlfriend's lap pillow. wish i'd thought of this one. you could have a boyfriends lap pillow too, i'm guessing, although the penis might get in the way.

i'm quite partial to this blood gushing out pillow. have you ever wanted to kill someone while they sleep? this is perfect, you can put the frying pan down and just imagine that they're dead. all the same feelings of a successful murder, without the jail time.

this one is clever cushion, see, it's an alarm clock. over here on the site where i found it, it says it gradually increases in brightness over forty minutes, getting lighter and lighter until it's so light it will you wake up.

hey, did you ever wake up desperate for pancakes? like you can already taste them and smell them and you think that if you don't eat a giant stack of pancakes immediately, you will more than likely die?

well if you did, it's probably because you slept on this:

now make it a bacon pillow and we're in business!

hope you have a dream of a friday.

date a gay millionaire NOW.

i was surfing the net and this ad popped up on the page i was viewing:




yes NOW! right this second. drop whatever it is you're doing and go on a date with a gay millionaire. i insist.

do you think the gay millionaire is the one in front, or the one behind? i'm going to go with the one behind because he can afford a t-shirt.

and one has to ask, what's with the fanned collar-of-cash? if you have enough money can you buy one of those?

this ad amused me no end.

i wonder what the criterion are to date a gay millionaire? do you need to be gay yourself, or also a millionaire, or merely just interested in dating a gay millionaire?

because i must just say, i'd fucking love to date a gay millionaire. it would be like going out with your best friend, only there'd be more cash to splash. fun!

although sadly, i doubt that a gay millionaire is sitting at home waiting for me to call him.

i went to check out their website:

i can't decide whether that guy looks less gay, or less like a millionaire. and what is that behind him? can anyone tell? i see the plant, but what's that white matress looking thing? are they moving a mattress into his office? makes sense i suppose.

imagine the kind of guy who responds to that sort of ad? somehow i suspect a couple of those gay millionaires are ultimately going to end up asking for their money back. what's left of it.

clients from hell

it's been a while since we visited Clients from Hell. if you've been around a million miles for a while you'll know it's one of my all time favourite websites to copy and paste from.


here's a gem:

here's another:

wtf? now that's my kind of client!

visit them here for more. classic stuff.