numbers - not my thing.

blog 'followers' over there to your right are wedged stuck at 49.
it's a crap number.
not quite 50,
just finished being 48.
please somebody put me out of my misery and make it 50.
please don't make me have to follow myself.
that would be humilliating.

new toes

summer might just be creeping in on its tippy toes.

so i thought it might be time to bring out those summer feet again.

these specific ones belong to 'pie'.

she's married to 'the bastard' but that doesn't mean she isn't a very very nice lady.

who takes cool toe pictures.

thanks pie. x

disclaimer:

me: hi it's me.

the reader: hi.

me: i've just put a new post on my blog, i need you to tell me if it's too offensive.

the reader: ok, hold on, lemme go read it.

the reader: yeah it is quite offensive. but it's funny.

me: do you think someone will try kill me?

the reader: nah, just write a disclaimer at the bottom.

me: what should i say?

the reader: what about 'meant in good faith'?

me: constructive and punny! i like it.

the reader: good. can i go back to 'so you think you can dance' now?

beeeeeeeep of dialling tone.

me: ok. thanks, bye.

DISCLAIMER: hi. please don't be offended by the post below. it's meant in good faith. thank you.

Happy birthday Jesus.

did you know it's officially Jesus' birthday today?

yup i heard it on the radio, so it must be true.

happy birthday dude.

i wonder what your dad's going to get you?

it should be something epic like a ferrari or a planet or something.

not something crap like a new pair of birkenstocks or a beard trimmer.

i wonder if he's throwing you a surprise party? Jesus Christ, that would be awesome!

we have a winner.

congrats terry. thanks so much for sending me the credits below for that ad i was talking about in one of my loerie roundups here.

a particularly badly wrapped (sorry!) case of natrodale milk thistle liver remedy (with herbal detoxifying formula and vitamins and minerals) is on its way to you as we speak.



you've made my day by sending me this. it' cracks me up.

and mr mohamed hamdallah (agency producer, commercial director and executive creative director) you win the award for multi-tasking overachiever 0f the year. congratulations. and well done on your loerie, seems like it was well earned.

a more sober loerie weekend autopsy

in the very harsh, sober light of day i feel i missed a couple of things. so here we go, the absolutely fucking final, 2009 loerie award autopsy.

and hopefully last you'll hear from me on this subject:


- my friends at wicked pixels went on stage. felt proud. and bonus, craig's fabulous wife was there too. think she should have gone on stage with him, woman behind the man and all. also thought the wicked boys and girls did a great job on the visuals for the show.


- on first night the lady models handing out the awards in the background wore floor length white satin dresses and felt like beauty queens or brides or something. on second night they were dressed like dominatrix drum majorettes. way better.

- gloo also did spectacularly well. well done paula. lots of hard work paying off.

- clint bryce was the presenter for a few of the digital awards. was awesome to see him down there, he was my second art director ever, back in the day.

show highlight:
interviewer: so, are you the most creative person at Lobedu Leo Burnett?
vanessa pearson: well i am the executive creative director, so i should hope so!
interviewer: so how old are you really?
vp: (coquettish) how old do you think i am?
interviewer: sixty?
vp murders interviewer with the sheer intensity of her mortified and furious expression.

- sadly there were a whole heap of friends i didn't actually get to see:

furious social networker khaya dlanga slipped through my fingers.
greg gray, anton visser, jason fialkov, hylton and fran tannenbaum, chuckles? where were all you guys? how about one of you throw a production house after party next year? bring some class to the joint. ang ramsay? grant davies? i missed all of you. maybe you're still out there partying now? in fact maybe there was an awesome party i totally missed and didn't know about and you were all there together. fuck that would suck!

- saw the cell c ad for the first time with the guy walking. just loved it.

- when i woke up on sunday afternoon i found an entire case (seriously 12 packs!) of natrodale milk thistle liver remedy (with herbal detoxifying formula and vitamins and minerals) in my handbag. where the hell did those come from?

- there was a tv campaign up there at some point that wasn't made in south africa. which is nice to see. think it was done by leo burnett cairo. and i thought the credits were the best of the night, i can't recall them exactly and i can't find them anywhere on the internetweb. but a case of 'natrodale milk thistle liver remedy' goes to anyone who can find them and post them in the comments section below. wish i could remember them or had a screen shot. but this is what my memory gives me back today:
agency producer, commercial director and executive creative director were all the same guy. and they say men can't multi-task!

- to sum up, it was a good event and good after parties. well planned and well executed. lots of police and guards everywhere making us feel safe and protected. although i suspect they were mainly there to make the capetonians not at the loeries feel safe and protected from us.

ok, it's Yom Kippur, i've got to go repent for my sins now, so we can do it all again next year. well done winners and drunk people. it was fun.

roundup of the loerie awards 2009 - 2nd night

it's 3:39am and i just got home from the second night of loerie debauchery.


i'll see what i can do here by way of a roundup, but i warn you, it's been a long weekend, and i might be a little worse for wear pissed.


- john vlismas hosted. he was waaaay funnier than both mark lottering and umm the lady in the dress with her tits almost falling out, last night. i forget her name. if her tits had fallen out guaranteed i'd have remembered her name and surname.


- helen zille made a short speech.


- show started with goldfish. they rock with awesomeness, although it did feel like they played just the one song over and over again all night. still a good song though. 'miss rose' said she isn't mad about them cos they don't have lyrics, but i think naaaa na na na na na naaaa na na, naaa na na naaa na na naaa, repeat, are fabulous lyrics. i sang them loudly all the way home in the car to prove it.

- goldfish also played at the afterparty in long street. seriously good.

- young team sat behind us tonight. 'pirate' the designer and adonis the writer. i hauled out a couple of those tiny bottles of johnnie walker black label, to help make it through the ceremony. 'the critic' promptly downed hers in one gulp.

the pirate:(shouts over music at the critic) are you a stewardess or something?
the critic:(shouts back) chicken or fish?

- the invisible voice over presenting the awards tonight as part of the audio visual show was Percy Montgomery. odd choice i thought. (i mean, don't get me wrong, i'm a huge fan. i once even fell into his lap in a movie (fight club) by accident, but that's another story for another blog.) when you think of old monty, the first thing you think of isn't really his smooth, clear, strong voice over capabilities.

- 'art director from another agency' spent 20 minutes telling me how much he liked my new ad. do you think maybe he forgot that he spent 30 minutes last night telling me why he thought it was crap? he was definitely more drunk last night, so which critique should i believe? the drunk, slurry honest one or this evening's more controlled version?

- fox p2 cleaned up big time. great to see a small cape town agency rocking it.

- ogilvy ct and jhb also owned that stage, although somehow i think we ended up sitting in their seats by mistake, so some of their team had to sit on the steps. oops. sorry. chris gotz remains nice though, so i'm sure he'll forgive us.

- six entirely different people asked me if i had any coke for them. (what do i look like over here? a fricking nigerian drug lord?) dude, you know you're coming to the loeries, you know you're gonna want to party, buy your own drugs!

- one person showed me a bag of mushrooms he picked up on camps bay beach. #lucky find. or #unlucky loss. depending which side of this story you land on.

- bumped into a guy named roland. when i first started out in advertising almost 16 years ago, he was our driver at hunts cape town. now he's one of their account managers. he was an amazing guy then and he's an amazing guy now. nice one.

- sanjiv and his partner 'the boy who i thought might vomit on me last night' won a gold. good job lovely boys. if you don't both get lucky tonight you should be ashamed of yourselves.

- snaps of various different conversations overheard at various stages throughout the night:

"oi, i had to lick some chick's limo to get these tickets, you coming or not?"

"he's not gay, he's just neurotic."

- um, what else. no grand prix for tv/cinema.

- the bp work was my favourite, well done ogilvy joburg. i'm happy you got a gold, thought it could have made a nice grand prix. sorry.

- felt sad for carl willoughby that he couldn't be there to pick up all his metal. but we all knew you rocked a long time ago, carl. we didn't need to see it to believe it.

- wicked pixels had a remote-control blimp.

- and so we went on to the after parties. a big heaving debauched mess of a mass, really. but still fun.

- hot gay art director guy told me some very dirty dating stories.

- and so it was an exceptionally good party. in fact i might still be there now, except when i looked around the dance floor and watched some guy dancing as if he was trying to pick an imaginary crate up off the floor over and over again, i realised it might be time to go home.

and anyway, my feet hurt.

- i wasn't the only one. walking to my car i had to wade my way through dozens of stumbling boys and hobbling girls who are going to have some very dry mouths or some very serious regrets in a couple of hours.

- eg: to the girl in the very very wobbly high heels, and the very very short skirt, you might regret one of three things in the morning. a) that you didn't wear any panties b) that you drank all that tequilla and c) that you didn't pick more sober friends to help walk you safely out of the after party.

and so endeth the 2009 loerie awards.

- i'm finding it ironic that the loerie weekend, possibly one of the most decadent events of the year, is so closely followed by yom kippur, the jewish holiday that focusses on fasting and repenting for your sins. it comes not a second too soon, i suspect.

roundup of the loerie awards 2009

it's 3:02am.

i just got home from the first night loeries after party.

here are some random snapshot thoughts from the evening that just was:

- the young guy sitting behind me at the award show was so drunk at the beginning of the night he kept passing out. i was nervous he might vomit down my back. i had to keep reminding him that if he needed to yurk, to please turn to his side and not do it down my back. fortunately he managed to maintain.

- sanjiv mistry won a young creative loerie, which comes with a trip overseas. very well deserved i think, he's fantastically talented. and nice to boot. don't think they had that award when we were young back in the dark ages.

- chris gotz continues to be a lovely chap. and win a lot. see it can be done.

- a bloke at one of the after parties who i don't know kept making a v with his fingers and then sticking his tongue through it. was disgusting.

- girl in a white dress/long shirt kept climbing on table to dance and flash her fanny - wasn't wearing underwear. also disgusting. (clean shaven - there you go, i know you were wondering.)

- 'the critic' drank an entire bottle of johnnie walker black label, all by herself. and a mohito. it's true. i know this for a fact because a) i saw it with my own eyes. b) it was my bottle of johnnie walker black label. you go 'the critic'.

- i didn't get to have a drink with 'brave client' - we kept missing each other.

- wallace seggie is one of the good guys.

- i might have been smashed, but i think fox p2 won a grand prix for the design of their boardroom table.

- and someone else (i forget) won one for the design of their funky reception desk.

- maybe next year they'll add a third night - the table ad loeries. i've got a cool idea for a credenza.

- i won a silver for allan gray 'quilt' outdoor, but was in the loo when it happened. so i missed the whole thing.
(or maybe i didn't and they all just told me i did when i got back from the loo, as a cruel joke.)

- in total king james won three silvers. one for our own ci, one for allan gray and one for umm... ummm... ummm... what the fuck, i can't remember. oh ya, it was for our joburg agency, for a gorgeouscoool plascon poster.

- the good hope centre was a pretty cool venue.

- anton visser tried to climb over the fence to sneak into the after party right next to the security guys and got tossed out on his ass. nice one anton. stealth manoevre.

- poor alix rose had her cell phone stolen.

- i finally got to meet 'miss watermelon pip', even though it was brief, i'm pleased to announce she is as lovely as i had hoped.

- a waitress brought around some kind of meat on a stick. it was covered in garlic. i should have known better. i'll be regretting it till next week tuesday.

the critic: what's this award?
me: it's for use of paper.
the critic: oh. is it a new award?
me: yes i think so.
the critic: we use paper all the time.
me: you're right. we do.
the critic: maybe we'll win.
me: maybe.

- ad dude, you had shnarf sticking out your nose. i won't mention your name here don't worry. i kept wiping my nose in the hopes that it would make you wipe yours, but you didn't. then i told you, but you couldn't hear because the music was too loud. then i walked away, if you want to waste your shnarf like that, that's your problem.

- the strange 'afrikaans capey' voice over narrator guy kept calling andrew human (the chairman of the loerie awards), andre hum-man.

- vicky is an absolutely fabulous nutter. seriously she's mad. no i mean it. clinical. but amazing. but crazy. nice though. but still mad. lovely. whackjob. so sweet. lunatic.

guy: (shouting over music) what's your name?
me: (shouting over music) i'm paige.
guy: what?
me: paige?
guy: huh?
(the music was very loud)
me: paige. like a piece of paper.
guy: oh hi. i'm Wim. like the cleaning stuff.

- good music.

- my feet hurt.

- i drank too much.

- i saw some things.

- and tomorrow night we do it all again.

when good url's go bad.

aparently i have a dirty mind. one that resides in the gutter relatively often.

i could blame the media or satan or kurt darren or something, but i'm willing to own it.

although sometimes i really don't think it's entirely my fault.

take a look at these train smashes occuring on the internetweb.

it's a phenomenon i like to call: "when good url's go bad".

i mean, is it just me, or does this look suspiciously like a website for a place called penis land?

http://www.penisland.net

- penis land! that's where i want to go on holiday. somebody point me in the right direction. does it get bigger when it's excited?


(looking for a pen? then pen island is the url for you.)

http://www.therapistfinder.com/

- the rapist finder online? really?

(nope doofus, aparently it's an online therapist finder. duh!)

http://www.molestationnursery.com/

- which of us at some point in our lives hasn't felt the desperate urge to molest someone?

(or - got a problem with moles in your garden? visit the mole station nursery.)

http://www.speedofart.com/

- you wear speedo's, you like to fart. so you wonder if there are others like you around. so you look online at speedo fart.

(or, you're a strange chap named nigel who likes art and comes up with this clever website.)

http://www.gotahoe.com/

- it's late friday night. you've had a long week. you need a ho! preferably a dirty one who will do unspeakable things to/with you. so you visit got a hoe?

(or you want to holiday in Lake Tahoe, so you check out their brochure website at go tahoe dot com.)

http://www.whorepresents.com/

whores present... whores present what? loose morals? syphallis? gonnorhea? crabs?

(or Who Represents - the place you go online to find the names of celebrity agents.)

http://www.expertsexchange.com/

expert sex changes are easy to find online.

(so is experts exchange, a knowledge base for programmers who want to exchange techie advice.)

http://www.powergenitalia.com/

power genitalia. not much more one can say about that.

(it's an italian power generator company. although looks like the site's under construction right now. wonder if they're busy redesigning their url?)

ok, so i'm willing to admit i have a dirty eye/mind. but don't tell me you weren't just a little bit interested in what a speedo fart website might look like?

did you know?

did you know that barry manilow has a beagle named bagel?

he does.

fact.

a little bit of thursday genius

'miss watermelon pip' (http://watermelonpip.blogspot.com/) who made this bit of 'morning after' genius over here: http://amillionmilesfromnormal.blogspot.com/2009/09/morning-after.html sent me to a website of awesomeness. it's called 'a beautiful revolution' (it's here: http://www.abeautifulrevolution.com/blog/).


this wonderboy of fabulous ingeniousness makes the kinds of little doodles that you just want to take home and feed and love and scratch on the tummy till they do that kicking thing when you find just the right spot.

here are a few of my faves:

as you can see, he plans on changing the world. and i believe he might just do it.

immaletyafinish but first...

tell me this:


my big toe on my left foot hurts. don't know how it happened. or when. it's a mystery.


but an even bigger mystery is this:


in order to fix my big toe, because i will need to wear high heels any day now, i took some pills.


my question is this:


how the hell do those pills know where to go? how do they know it's my big toe on my left foot that hurts, and not say for example my right nostril?


and what if while they're travelling down my throat and through my body, in search of the place that is sore, they come accross a paper cut, or something like that. and then they just assume that that is the pain they are required to mend. so then they stop travelling and miss out on fixing my big toe.


it's like electricity. i don't get it. is there a doctor in the house?

party girl rocks

it's a tuesday afternoon. so why not find random stuffs on the internetweb and copy and paste them here i ask you? just why the hell not?


these lovely things are from here: http://www.royalartlodge.com/


and 'party girl' was kind enough to send me there between parties.

thanks 'party girl' you are a rocking thing on a rocking day.







'dog's excitement, boy's comfort'




'judith. she was everything to him. he could think of little else'

'brock plaza hotel, americana waterpark resort and spa'

'strengths - moral character, weaknesses - eyesight'

'miniature birth pumpkins'

'how badly she wished she could teleport'

'a little red spot for every sad thought'

'contact lens'

'darts'

the devil's dictionary - 'D' is for dagga.

ok, enough with the 'c' words.

for those of you who've been smoking pot in the toilets and missed the last couple of devil's dictionary posts, these old posts will tell you that ambrose bierce was around in the 1800's, where, judging by his sexy moustache and his dirty sense of humour, when he wasn't compiling his 'devil's dictionary', i bet he was screwing tons of wenches, and partying pretty hard.

did they have cocaine or marijuana in the 1800's? anyone? anyone?

so, let's get on with it, D is for: (the purple type is transcribed directly from his text)

Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter.


Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed.


Dentist, n. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.


Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however is a most useful work.


Die, n. The singular of 'dice'. We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, "Never say die."


Distance, n. The only thing the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and keep.


Distress, n. A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.



oh ambrose, ambrose, ambrose, you crack me up.

invention #1

this invention idea post has been inspired by my friend, colleague and scrabble nemesis - 'vonk'. he has this blog, here: http://vonk.leonjacobs.com/ it's a stream of ideas that he just posts as he has them. pretty fucking cool if you ask me.


like this is one of his ideas that i think is awesome:


Disconnecting trains

What if trains could disconnect in motion? Imagine a subway line with x number of stops. Now imagine trains in that line had equal number of cars. Each car was labelled with a different stop on that line, in sequence, with the first stop being the last car.

As the train speeds across the line the cars disconnect from behind in sequence with their own braking system to stop at the stop of their designation.

This means every passenger has only one stop per line greatly speeding up their journey.


cool idea hey? so i thought i'd add a new addition to my blog. cos new ideas pop up all over the show, and someone should be writing them down.


case in point: i was doing laps at the pool at the gym on sunday morning, and when i wasn't perving 'speedo guy', (who by the way seems to have only gotten larger in the package department with time - it's like he's got a flipping anaconda shoved down there) i was thinking about this:


someone should invent a waterproof digital touchpad thing that goes in the swimming pool, so that every time you finish a length you touch it and it records your length, so you don't have to keep a mental note of how many lengths you've done. which is impossible, particularly when you're trying to keep an eye on 'speedo boy' and count lengths at the same time.


hey if we wanted to get really fancy with this digital touch pad thingy it could also record the time you do each length in. if it was placed underwater with a digital type clock thing you wouldn't have to stop swimming, you could just touch the wall at the end of every length and as you approach the wall at the end of each length you could see how many lengths you'd done, and how fast you've done them in.


or is your invention idea better?

the sex grunting guy.

to make up for all the competitive style eating i did last night (first night rosh hashana) at 'the foodie's house', i made my way to the gym first thing this morning and did a 'killer abs' class with benjamin, the nazi trainer.

this post is actually just for one person, so if you're not the guy who was on the mat next to me in the class this morning, this isn't really for you. but feel free to stick around and eavesdrop if you'd like.

dude, why do you have to make loud grunting sex sounds when you exercise?
i know the class is hard, and doing seven hundred thousand bicycle leg kick things in a row hurts like hell, but seriously, it's embarrassing.
you're not alone in your bedroom, dude.
there are other people here. like me.

and furthermore, doing inverted crunches is not like having an orgasm, guy! trust me. i've done inverted crunches and i've had orgasms, and there's no similarity.
if there is for you, you should see someone about that.

so no more sex grunting sounds when you exercise in public, ok? it's gross.

thanks to...

...the douchebag at the mtn shop who sold me a faulty sim card and then refused to answer the phone all day, even though i let it ring four hundred times in a row. i know you're there douchebag, it's a shop!

who can resist a sexy executive?

i'm a big fan of a funny blog. call it aspiration, call it lack of a life, either way.

but this one takes things to a whole new level.

the maker of this blog surfs the websites of large corporations and finds pictures of the executives who work there. then... no wait, my explanation doesn't do the genius of it justice. let me show you instead:

(aside: as always here on my blog, the type in purple is copied and pasted directly off the 'sexy execs' blog, and the type in black is my 10c, for what it's worth.)

Bert Quintana, Global Chief Operations Officer, Sitel

Bert, you need to start shaving your forehead. Or you can get special creams from the ladies department. Maybe laser treatment? A GCOO with a visible forehead would be much better for business, especially in more hairless Nordic regions.

i imagine he's not wearing any pants below the waist. just some crazy patterned boxer shorts.

Ted Mathas, president, chief executive officer, chairman, New York Life Insurance Company

President, chief executive officer AND chairman? Ted, seriously, you might want to start delegating a bit of that authority. Maybe then you'll be able to un-clench your teeth, do some nice relaxing blinking, and get more than three hours of angry, restless sleep a night.

ok, so that's the basic idea of the blog. they surf around, find these classic, insane head shots of executives at big corporations and post them with hilarious comments. here are a few more:

Dieter Gaubatz, VP Biometric Research, Munich American Reassurance Company

A slightly odd head during the creation of which Mother Nature left the forehead tap running for a bit too long, but in these days of ever-declining standards we're glad to get one who's not wearing a proper shirt with a proper collar.

OMG ".... mother nature left the forehead tap running for a bit too long..." it's one of the funniest lines i've ever read. they can hear me laughing in Budapest.

The tie is modern enough to have been purchased in the last decade. Well done, Dieter. Your certificate is in the post.

Jay Johnson, Spokesperson for Gold and Precious Metals Company Goldline International, Inc.

Something's gone wrong. There's been a breach in protocol. This one slipped through the net. He's SMILING. Somebody call security.

if you open those books behind him on the shelf they're all hollowed out and have little stolen bottles of booze off the airlines hidden in them.

George Lykos, Chief Legal Officer, Bayer Corporation

Didn't know you could still get glasses like that. Or ties like that. Or suits like that. And the shirt looks like... denim? Could it really be a denim shirt? Denim? A denim shirt on the day you KNOW is the day you're having your photo taken? He's either the coolest rebel at the company or hasn't got any proper shirts.

those wild and crazy 'Bayer Corporation' guys!

Andrew von Eschenbach, Senior Advisor, Greenleaf Health

Tight lips, controlled gaze.

The American flag lapel badge is there to reassure people that although he has a suspiciously foreign name that makes it sound like his family may have sought asylum in America after WWII, he can in fact be trusted. He would look bloody great in a Nazi uniform, though.

hey executives, what's with the backgrounds? Who woke up one day and decided that all executive headshots had to be taken on some kind of mottled gray or brown background?

DOUBLE TEAM! Mike Moody, President, Newmark Homes Houston, and Lonnie Fedrick, Chairman, Newmark Homes Houston

They're cleverly standing far enough apart that the other one could easily be cropped out of the photo, should a boardroom power struggle result in one of them stabbing the other in the back.

i don't know if i agree with the blogger over at 'sexy execs' on this one. it looks to me like they're holding hands just out of the shot.

Garth Saloner, Dean of Stanford Graduate School of Business

Here's a man who hasn't updated his collection of suits since he got his first low-level executive position in 1972. He also wore this to his wedding in 1978. And to funerals in 1982, 1987, 1988, 1992 and 1996. The suit was then 'mothballed' in 1997 in favour of a more casual, jacket-less style - but Garth's recent promotion demanded a quick dry clean and a return to service.

i love the crazy tie, Garth. it says i'm quirky, but i'm also professional, and that's the way i roll. nice move.

Kevin P. Kauffman, president and CEO, K.P. Kauffman Company, Inc.

Named the company after yourself? Have an extremely firm idea of what kind of lighting situations your face looks best in? It would be wrong of us to label Kevin P. Kauffman a self-obsessed control freak based on the evidence of one photo.

But he is.

is it just me, or is this guy terrifying? if he were my boss i think i might pee myself.

Kent W. Moore, President and CEO, Family First Federal Credit Union

any relation to roger moore? doubtful. although there is a little something around the eyes, don't you think?

They got Kent to go outside. The photographer realised the eye of the viewer needs distracting. The eye of the viewer needs to find something - ANYTHING - to focus on other than Kent's is it/isn't it hairline.

oh no wait, it's not roger moore he looks like, it's the dad from 'Family Guy'.

Ron Sabia, President of Gulf Oil

Barbecue at Ron's this weekend. Don't worry about bringing any meat of your own, Ron's chest freezer is packed. He has all the kinds of sausages. Literally every type of sausage known to man. Beef, pork, pork and beef, venison, pork & leek, pork & apple, pork & Korean dog sausage - everything.

and here we go, another zany tie. what's the bet it was a father's day gift from the kids?

and of course, last but not least, we shouldn't forget the executive women. Meet Carol Kunau:

Carol Kunau, vice president for patient care services, Adventist Medical Center

The wacky choice of spectacle frames says "Don't trust me to organise the office party" - otherwise it'll be karaoke and a disco.

ooh i could post these all day, they're so classic. check out more of them here: http://sexyexecs.blogspot.com/ and blog on sexy executives, blog on.

thanks to...

...the little girl in the backseat of the car in front of me, who blew bubbles out her window the whole way home and made rush hour bearable.

where not to invest your millions:

i found this small article in the latest issue of finweek.
(september 10th issue)

DISCLAIMER: let me just preface this blog post by saying that i have absolutely zero knowledge of finance or the economy. i have never invested on any stock exchange of any description. and if my life depended on it i wouldn't be able to tell you what 6 times 9 is. so you'd better take this post from whence it comes.

i've underlined some of my areas of concern in red on the article below.

ok, let's see, say i wasn't a writer, but was a stripper or a lawyer and so i had some cash to splash and i wanted to invest on the stock exchange. i just don't think i would ever invest in a company called 'New Zealand Farming Systems Uruguay'.

that would be a bit like betting in a horse race on a horse called 'donkey'.

who named you, poor company? and why did they stop brainstorming after their first idea?

if however i had invested in this company, i don't think i would be surprised to later discover that they had announced losses of 46 million us dollars. i mean really, they're a company of new zealanders who milk cows in uruguay. what did they think would happen?

you couldn't make this shit up!

who would you rather shag?

i was recently surfing around my local internetweb dating site, and i came across these two vastly different profiles.

exhibit a:

lovely sounding, normal (although quite shouty) lady, seeks friend and companion to do stuff with:

OR

exhibit b:

the young russian go go dancer who doesn't speaka much english?

which do you think gets more hits?

yeah, that's what i thought too.

we're a bit of a crazy race, us humans.

i am a massive asshole!

yesterday at approximately 5:55pm my computer executed a coup.

first it crashed, then it refused to restart.

what i didn't realise till this morning was that it somehow, unbeknownst to me, managed to send a string of personal emails between a friend and i off to a third party.

and here's the part that makes me a massive, unforgivable asshole, and butt of karma's bad joke. the third party that my computer somehow decided to send this mail off to works for the very company whose ad we were carelessly badmouthing in the string of emails.

but no wait there's more, just incase i wasn't asshole enough for you. the people who work at this company and have now been unnecesarily abused and offended by me are actually people who i love. they are important to me in more ways than i can find the words for. which makes this the hiroshima of fuck ups in my world.

these events are impossible to explain. the third party my computer sent the email to isn't even in my list of contacts, and my computer 'sent' doesn't show it up. but somehow it went. and i'm massively sorry. please forgive me.

this just in: looks like some fuckhead of monumental proportions (and i now know who you are!) hacked into my mail and forwarded my personal email on to the third party. i suppose having 'password' for my password might have been my first mistake. anyway 'mr fuckhead of monumental proportions', karma is a bitch (as we've all learnt today) and she'll be coming for you next.

the weather in your city today will be: funny.

my sister 'a' gave me a rocking desk top calendar. yeah, i'm nerdy like that.
i'm a sucker for any kind of stationery.
not sure a calendar is stationery, but this is getting boring, so it's time to move on.

anyway according to today's date on the callendar, this weather report was broadcast in new york on NY1 tv channel. dinkum, for reals, it really happened:


i'll type it exactly as it appeared on tv:


TOMORROW: Gary and Cool

HIGH TEMP: 68

HUMIDITY: 90

WIND: NE15


man, that's funny.


oh and by the way, thursday will be Douglas and Hot.
so don't forget your sleeveless cardi.

Allan Gray "Legend" - behind the scenes

thought i would put up some behind the scenes shots from the making of the new allan gray television commercial, 'legend'.

here's the commercial itself:

and here are some pics from behind the scenes.

me and jd

my art director karin 'the critic' and jd

awesome tv producer, caz.

prosthetics done by CFX:

we focused on ears, jaw line, new lips and nose. we experimented with half a dozen different prosthetic pieces, styles and techniques before we found the right combination that would look believable. then to compliment the prosthetics we had dental pieces fitted to fill out his mouth and compliment his different ages.

laurel over here in the middle, part of the unbelievable client service team on the job, together with bobbi who is here below with the legend himself:

for all you metal heads the cars we used on the racing track were a P4 Ferrari and a 917 Porsche. worth about 30 million dollars in the real world. and on the left, that's awesome member of the allan gray client team, annelize and karin, helping frame up for keith.

new york scene off the monitor

quick make-up touch-up during shooting of the lifetime achievement award scene.

shooting the accident scene

director, keith rose gives jd some notes.

there were only two replica 550 RSK Porsche Spiders available to us for use in the accident sequence. the one we ended up using was a right hand drive, which we recreated as a left hand drive by flipping the entire shot, which meant all the decals and number plates had to be put on backwards. there were only 28 or 30 these ever made.

Alistair King and jd discuss the merits of water vs scotch. scotch wins.

8 hours on the side of a highway, ah the glamorous world of advertising.

List of credits:

Allan Gray:
Tracy Hirst – Marketing Manager
Henk Pieterse – Head of Marketing
Annelize Fourie – Marketing Support
Rob Dower– Chief Operating Officer
Johan de Lange – Director Investor Services

King James:
Alistair King - Executive Creative Director
Karin Barry-McCormack - Head of Art
Paige Nick - Copywriter
Caz Friedman - Agency TV Producer

James Barty - Managing Director
Laurel Mader, Bobbi van Sittert - Client Service

Velocity:
Keith Rose - Director
Grant Davies – Producer Velocity
Tristan von Berg – Creative Assistant/head of research
Kerry Rose – production manager
Annelise Bosch – First AD

Ricky Boyd – Editor, Deliverance

Barry Donnelly - Audio and Mix, Waterfront Post

Stefan Nilsson/Theo Crous (Bellville Studios) - Music

Black Ginger:
Marco Raposo de Barbosa – Comp Supervisor
Eddie Addinall – Flame artist
Tracy –Lee Portnoi – head of production
Ashleigh Ryan – Nuke Compositor
Rob Muir – Matte Painter/Compositor
Angelo Collinicos - Compositor
Sean Monovic – 3D tracker
Marc Bloch – Executive Producer