a match made somewhere just to the left of heaven

ok dudes, are you sitting down?

don't worry, you won't upchuck in your cereal this morning (again, sorry about yesterday). this is more crazy mad, than crazy gross.

now you all know i'm the first to admit that i've seen some insane things on the online dating website i frequent.

but this... this is something entirely new.

i'm not even sure where to begin.

please meet 'indumiso'.

he is 37 years old.

he lives in soweto.

his first language is zulu, but he speaks english and sotho too.

and he's married with some children, see:

but it seems indumiso is not happy with his lot, and he's looking for something else. something completely else.

over and above what he already has indumiso is looking for a young jewish woman, who lives by the torah and is preferably a submissive virgin.

yup. i kid you not, s'true story.

see, here's his narrative:

'He describes his ideal match thus:

She must be a woman who is a virgin and who fears YHWH. LIVING BY THE TORAH BELIEVING IN YAHUSHUA.'

'Why should you get to know indumiso?

I will prefere a lady who is a virgin and who live by the torah. eat kosher food. submisive wife and who is the follower of Yahushua The Messiah.'

hmmm. apparently i'm a 41% match for him. inteeeerrresssttting.

i'm not entirely sure which part of me is the 41% match for him.

i'm certainly not a virgin. hell, i'm not even 41% of a virgin.

i'm jewish, but i'm about as much of a fan of anything wrapped in bacon as a pig farmer, so i'm not kosher by any stretch of the imagination.

ah, it must be the submissive part. i'm very submissive.

when i'm sleeping, or in a coma.

i suppose my parents did always want me to marry a jewish boy. although i'm pretty sure this isn't quite what they had in mind.